A Mirage

I wanted to write a short post about something I just learned. It's about where your tax payer money is going. As taxpayers, as US citizens, we believe that there are offices in place by the state that are there for our "protection" or to assist if we ever needed help. Well, I was this naive, I did believe that offices under the Governor that are in place to help women with DV issues were there to help and protect. I got a new answer today. The answer came from the Office for Prevention of Domestic Violence. This is an agency I thought was in place to help women like me. I was wrong. When I first spoke to the representative from the state agency, I was confident someone was going to step in and help me in my situation. After emails and phone calls, I found out that the only thing this office can actually do is "refer". Is this where our money is going? To an office for DV that is only designed to "refer". I'm confused. Really, I almost can't believe it. As a victim of violence, I thought that after contacting almost everyone in my local government and state, that someone would be there to help or intervene, considering my specific situation. In reality, they are getting paid to help, but the system isn't set up for them to act or assist in any way. If you are a victim or survivor and have been wronged and then had the courage to stand up and ask for help, I bet you can tell me that you too got absolutely no where. That's how I feel. I have exhausted all of my options, and I have spoken to so many people, and still my abuser has the upper hand. So, here I am, with only one thing to do, one last decision to make, go to the police. This is something I tried to avoid because of fear of my abuser hunting me down and retaliating, which I believe will happen. All this time, and I am faced with this decision again. All I have ever wanted was a fair settlement and a safe new life. All I have been getting is unfairness, cruelty, and a system that isn't there to actually do anything for victims. I believe that these government agencies are all illusions, and that we, the victims, actually are fooled into thinking that they are there to help us. As for our local government, I don't understand how they are in place to help people either. I got a letter from the Minority Leader in my community the other day. It clearly stated that if for any reason I needed help with anything, I can call. So I called today, stated my problem, stated the fear I am in. The answer I got was "no, I can't do anything for you and the state wastes a lot of money on these agencies". Do you know what I have to say? Don't bother sending me a letter in the mail. I also got questions like "why didn't you press charges, what are you afraid of?"...I answered politely, but I felt like saying, has anyone ever restrained you and broke your bones? Try mustering up the courage to press charges on a person like that. Then decide how and when you are going to disappear permanently. Not an easy decision.
I can see why there are so many women murdered in our society today. I now understand why and how this can happen. It is a realization I did not want to have. It is hard to learn that everything you think is designed to keep you safe is really a mirage, and at the end of the day no one can do anything to keep you safe. I won't be writing for a little while after this, I need to step back and get my mind off this topic. It has been a topic that I love raising awareness about, but a topic that deeply depresses me because I know that there is no help for women in these situations. So, I need a few days to eat shit again, excuse my language, and get over the illusion.